Today was hard. How do you sum up a life in one sentence? A paragraph perhaps? Maybe a page... or a novel? It is impossible to sit down and compose how important someone is to you, so that you don't leave not one little detail out. That is what makes it difficult, the little details are all of a sudden key components to remembering loved ones. I know this may not be the place for me to post this, but I need an outlet to describe my dear loved on at home on his death bed.
Dale Beetler, a 60 year old Harley guru, is the closest connection that I had in regards to my past, and was willing to share stories, like so many other people in my family have not done. Not that I blame them, my past isn't exactly a walk through the park, it's not filled with butterflies, flowers, and the typical happy endings. I am happy, but the endings are always pretty bitter. When I first met Dale, that was when I lived in NOVA for the first time 12 years ago. He came to my High School graduation, told me stories about my mom and dad during happier times (times before her untimely death), he supported my relationship with some boy that my family was not to keen on (oh, and that 'some boy,' is my husband of 9 years). He never judged, just loved and supported. He liked being a loner, and enjoyed his friends and bikes more than anything else in life. He always had that kind of smile that would make you smile just looking at it, he always had a funny story, joke, or comment to make at all times.
I love this man, and I am devastated at the knowledge that he will not be around any longer for me to bug. Knowing that I wont be able to take Henry and Regan to learn about motorcycles from 'Uncle Stitch,' makes my heart ache like it did when I lost my Grandmother earlier this year. I am even more saddened at the thought that I was the only family that had the courage (in this area) to go and see him in his current condition. I cannot help others selfishness, but family should always come first. He would have dropped everything for me... so I dropped everything for him.
I want to remember today... I don't want to put off writing this until later when all the little details become fuzzy.
I left class early, I couldn't concentrate anyways, and decided to go to Dales. I turned on my GPS, and listened to JJ Heller the whole way there. I needed God, I needed his strength. When I got there, God was kind and he was awake enough to know I was there. Obviously discombobulated, but he knew me, and was happy to see me. I said, "Hi Dale," and he said "Oh, Hi April." Then I asked, "How are you?" He replied, "Oh, you know." So, I said, "Yeah, I know. You know what? I love you." Through his sleepy daze, he replied, "I love you too, April. I love my whole family." "They all love you too." "You know, you are one of the most important people in my life?" "Oh, thank you." He then said, "I'm sleepy." So I said, "Go to sleep then." As he began falling asleep, "I'm going to beat this." "Yes, you are." He then said, "I'm not going to let this get me." So I told him, "It isn't going to get you." I then stroked his hair, and held his hand for what seemed like forever. I watched him struggle to breath. I watched him stop breathing, and I looked at his DNR order posted on the wall above him. I watched him gasp back in breath. That is all his body is doing right now, fighting to breath. I rubbed his arm, traced his gecko tattoo on his right arm. Memorized the hospital Band on his arm, and learned his birthday was May 3, 1950. I looked around his bedroom to see that the picture I had given him of the twins sat next to his bed on the nightstand. I looked at them and him in the same eye shot. Family. That is what this life is about.
I walked out after some time to let him rest in peace, and sat and talked to his friends who were there caring for him. Bill, Debbie, Rick, Vick... and others that I did not get a chance to really converse with. They all had great memories, and are all very positive that he can pull through this, but I am more realistic and less optimistic. It will be a miracle if he gets through tomorrow, let alone to the weekend. Being able to comfort him is a memory I will cherish if that is the last time I ever see Dale.
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