Long days equal a short year

Yes, it has almost been a year since Henry and Regan were born.  The title says it all... the days are long, but this year has been short!

I remember when they couldn't hold their own heads up, and now they are trying to walk.  I remember the late night feedings, just wishing to get to a place where I could sleep longer than two hour stretches; now I want those days back.  I remember the hopeless feeling of wondering how I was ever going to manage with two babies on my own, now I work like a day care center.  I remember all of their firsts, and all of their lasts.  Going through clothes and toys as fast as they have grown, I know this is cliche'; however, it really does go by way to fast.

When the kids were born in the hospital, I had no recognition of time.  It stood still, in a chaotic yet peaceful way.  Having my babies in my arms after a short (although I thought it was long at the time) 37 weeks granted me a peace that I had longed for since learning I was pregnant with them.  I could see them finally, love them, kiss them, and make sure they were ok without the help of an ultrasound.  I was in the hospital for three days, and it seemed like one very long day.  Now, here we are, almost a year later getting ready to celebrate their first year of life.

It may seem odd, but I am actually saddened at the thought that their first birthday is coming up.  I want them to stay babies, I want to keep them little for a while longer.  I want them to slow down so I can soak up the moments without a time constraint.  That's just not how life is, and I always find the good in any mood, so I will let you know that I am excited for the coming months of being able to explore with the kids.

Here I sit on a Monday night, listening to the baby monitor, wondering where all the time has gone.  When my 5 lb miracles turned into 20 lb eating machines, and wishing that time would have slowed down.

Aunt Domino will be here in a little over a week, and I am SO excited that she is going to be here.  It is nice to have some of my family involved in their lives.  She has been such an amazing Aunt, even from 3,000 miles away.  She tries to 'see' the kids on Skype several times a week (when her PC is working... get a Mac Aunt Domino!), and always asks about them.  Hopefully she sticks to her plan on moving out here, I think my life would be pretty close to perfect then.

I am still going to school full time, and I know that is a big reason I feel like I wish time would slow down more, but I only do my work late at night so I can be with the kids all day (except on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but that is inevitable).  I am doing well, in fact I am eligible for the honors society.  The dues are $85, and with the kids, they win.  It was nice to know that I am an 'honor student,' but I don't need a club to tell me that.  I know my grades ;).

Well, I guess I should go to bed, but remember that time doesnt ever really stand still.  It may feel like it at times, but in hindsight those moments are just a blur.  

Time for a new week

A new week, and new advances with the kids.  Henry is standing for very long periods now.  We think he may actually walk first, a change from before since Regan was pulling up way before he did.  We all anticipated she would be walking by now.

Regan has seven teeth, and I see a new one on the horizon.  She has become attached to items, and I am not sure if this is normal infant development, or normal twin development.  If you try to take away anything she will get upset and cry.  The other morning she had pulled a diaper out of the bin on the changing table... it was HER diaper, and no one was going to take that from her.  She crawls with objects, so everywhere she goes you can hear the 'click, click, click' as she makes her way holding onto her toy for dear life.  She also has a hat fascination.  There is a bin on the main level filled with their winter hats.  She will pull some out, and play with them like they are toys.

Henry has a fascination with doors, especially the bathroom.  He jet-lines for the doors in the entry way (there are three all in a small diameter of each other).  He then bangs on the doors and laughs.  He also has a fascination with the sir vents and the window's.  When we put them down for a nap, he will stand in his crib and play with the curtain... as if playing 'peek-a-boo' with the world.  When he gets to the window downstairs, he bangs on it, as if asking to escape.

Electronics are also a big hit in this house.  Good thing daddy already needed a new phone, otherwise his Blackberry would be in big trouble.  That is a favorite toy... when they can get it.  I have sense given the kids my old phone, the Envy, and they really like that too.  They have a never-ending quest to get the MacBook, especially when I put it on the floor during Skype calls.

This time is busy, but it is a lot of fun too.  They are developing so fast, and have started with basic words; ma-ma, da-da, and Regan has added 'Tickle-tickle.'

Regan claps, waves hi and bye, and likes to play 'beep-beep.'  She can also point.  Henry can clap, and is imitating sounds.  Earlier today, Henry and daddy 'burped' back and forth for 5 min.  :)

Ok, time to get off.... just trying to get everything down :).

RIP Uncle Stitch

On Sunday, Uncle Stitch (Dale) passed away.  It was very sad, and I am so grateful to have the kids in my life.  They always manage to make me smile, when I need it most.

A hard day... remembering a life that is worth remembering.

Today was hard.  How do you sum up a life in one sentence?  A paragraph perhaps? Maybe a page... or a novel?  It is impossible to sit down and compose how important someone is to you, so that you don't leave not one little detail out.  That is what makes it difficult, the little details are all of a sudden key components to remembering loved ones.  I know this may not be the place for me to post this, but I need an outlet to describe my dear loved on at home on his death bed.

Dale Beetler, a 60 year old Harley guru, is the closest connection that I had in regards to my past, and was willing to share stories, like so many other people in my family have not done.  Not that I blame them, my past isn't exactly a walk through the park, it's not filled with butterflies, flowers, and the typical happy endings. I am happy, but the endings are always pretty bitter.  When I first met Dale, that was when I lived in NOVA for the first time 12 years ago.  He came to my High School graduation, told me stories about my mom and dad during happier times (times before her untimely death), he supported my relationship with some boy that my family was not to keen on (oh, and that 'some boy,' is my husband of 9 years).  He never judged, just loved and supported.  He liked being a loner, and enjoyed his friends and bikes more than anything else in life.  He always had that kind of smile that would make you smile just looking at it,  he always had a funny story, joke, or comment to make at all times.

I love this man, and I am devastated at the knowledge that he will not be around any longer for me to bug.  Knowing that I wont be able to take Henry and Regan to learn about motorcycles from 'Uncle Stitch,' makes my heart ache like it did when I lost my Grandmother earlier this year.  I am even more saddened at the thought that I was the only family that had the courage (in this area) to go and see him in his current condition.  I cannot help others selfishness, but family should always come first.  He would have dropped everything for me... so I dropped everything for him.

I want to remember today... I don't want to put off writing this until later when all the little details become fuzzy.

I left class early, I couldn't concentrate anyways, and decided to go to Dales.  I turned on my GPS, and listened to JJ Heller the whole way there.  I needed God, I needed his strength.  When I got there, God was kind and he was awake enough to know I was there.  Obviously discombobulated, but he knew me, and was happy to see me.  I said, "Hi Dale,"  and he said "Oh, Hi April." Then I asked, "How are you?"  He replied, "Oh, you know."  So, I said, "Yeah, I know.  You know what?  I love you."  Through his sleepy daze, he replied, "I love you too, April.  I love my whole family."  "They all love you too."  "You know, you are one of the most important people in my life?"  "Oh, thank you."  He then said, "I'm sleepy."  So I said, "Go to sleep then."  As he began falling asleep, "I'm going to beat this."  "Yes, you are."  He then said, "I'm not going to let this get me."  So I told him, "It isn't going to get you." I then stroked his hair, and held his hand for what seemed like forever.  I watched him struggle to breath.  I watched him stop breathing, and I looked at his DNR order posted on the wall above him.  I watched him gasp back in breath.  That is all his body is doing right now, fighting to breath.  I rubbed his arm, traced his gecko tattoo on his right arm.  Memorized the hospital Band on his arm, and learned his birthday was May 3, 1950.  I looked around his bedroom to see that the picture I had given him of the twins sat next to his bed on the nightstand.  I looked at them and him in the same eye shot.  Family.  That is what this life is about.

I walked out after some time to let him rest in peace, and sat and talked to his friends who were there caring for him.  Bill, Debbie, Rick, Vick... and others that I did not get a chance to really converse with.  They all had great memories, and are all very positive that he can pull through this, but I am more realistic and less optimistic.  It will be a miracle if he gets through tomorrow, let alone to the weekend.  Being able to comfort him is a memory I will cherish if that is the last time I ever see Dale.

The night goes on

Last night, Regan woke up after an hour of being in bed.  Needless to say, she joined daddy and I in bed.  She then proceded to clap and proclaim "dada, tickle-tickle, and mama" for a few hours before I was able to get her back in bed.

Oh, and they still woke up at 7 am... even though Regan didn't get moved back to her crib until 12:30 lol.

Solids

The kids have been on solids for a while, they started on the stage one gerber food, and now they are on stage three and feeding themselves.

So far they have had real bananas, pancakes, apples, carrots, green beans, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and cheerios.  They love feeding themselves, and while I am excited to have them feed themselves, I am saddened that soon I will not be spoon feeding them anymore.  They have no desire to be spoon-fed, and want to feed themselves (even though more than 1/2 of the food ends up in their chairs, or as a surprise later when you go to change a diaper.

It seems like yesterday I was struggling to make it through another late night feeding, trying to cope with waking them up to eat their bottles, spending countless hours with my talking Medela.  It's all gone now... those days that I longed for, gone in an instant.

On the other hand, I am so excited for the kids to try new things with us.  Slowly, but surely, the kids will be eating the same food as us, and debating with us if their food needs to still be cut up for them.  I feel their dependance on me is still strong, but dwindling more and more every day.  I know they will always be dependent on me, but I like this.  I don't want it to vanish so quickly.  I love doing these things for them.

As we begin closing in on their first birthday, I am happy and sad.  Sad that my babies will be considered toddlers, and happy that they made it!  It is the natural cycle of life.  They will grow away from us, and grow closer as time passes and they gain life experiences.  I only hope that I am doing everything right for them now.

Here we go again...

I really need to keep up on this, if anything for myself.

Today I went to target to pick up some stuff after going to the school to pick up my books.  I looked like a mad-women pushing a stroller and dragging a cart.  Don't let me forget to mention how my feet kept getting beat up by the cart as I dragged it all over the store.  The kids were great though.

Regan now has 5 teeth, and the sixth should be in today or tomorrow.  I cannot believe how she looks like a toddler already.

Henry has 2 teeth right now, and is becoming a picky baby.  But he is toughening up a bit with Regan since he can now crawl just as fast as her.

I have already began planning their birthday...